Been having so much thoughts lately, oh well, actually not really lately but ever since the previous holiday.
Every time when I wake up to get prepared and go to school, while brushing my teeth and looking at my reflection in the mirror, a question will always appear: why did I not make that choice 2yrs ago. If I did, I would not have wasted 3yrs of my life doing what I don't intend to in the future.
But after taking a long bath and clearing my thoughts together with the running water, I finally convinced myself.
I am only left with approx 6months to go before I finish all my business in this course, in this school.
And finally get to do what I want.
Some may tell me that I may think that it would be great if I finally get to learn what I really wanted, but if I get there and go through all those hardship I will eventually hate everything about it.
Yes I am positive that I will definitely meet all kinds of obstacles there but at least I will not feel irritated or pissed.
I don't think you may get what I am trying to express. (yes you, whoever that's reading. If there is)
It's as simple as this:
1. While doing design related work in school and I have to cut my nails because of all the handicrafts (just in case you didn't know, I love my finger nails and take super good care of them) I get really irritated.
But when I have to cut my nails before I can bake something, I would never ever regret even if I just got manicure done less than 3days before.
2. While having critique, I don't really feel anything when the panels talk about my project. Whether good or bad. When they praise my work, I will feel happy, But the happiness just goes any when I walk away from the critique session and so does whatever else being mentioned during the critique.
But when I bake something and get few of my friends to give me opinions, I listen intensively no matter the fact that whether if their opinions were good or bad. And then I will try to improve the recipe and try baking it the next time round.
So now, you can see that there's no passion for design at all. And yes, this is affecting me right now when I currently have a project to rush and mock up model should be up for 'submission' on Monday and I have not even bother cutting/touching my Styrofoam board ever since Thursday. But I feel stupid because of this too, I feel that if my mentality is gna stay like it is now. Which is: It's okay if I didn't get to graduate, cause all I need is an O'Level certificate to get into the school I want in Aust. I might jolly well bang the wall and die.
Cause I have alrd wasted 3yrs and I AM NOT GNA LET THIS 3YRS GET WASTED IN VAIN.
And yes, that is the spirit I need to get me going for this 6months...
I can do it, I believe!
p.s: There are so many -what if (s) in everybody's life, but if we could really predict the future, we won't get to see this much and experience this much.
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I think it's about to be time of the month.
Construction worker syndrome is back once again, my skin on my hands are peeling like nobody's business and rashes everywhere.
And I have a pimple as big as a mosquito bite on my cheek, 2 small ones on my forehead, 1 really red one near my brow on th left. How irritating is it.
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